Search Engine Terms

Everyday this makes me laugh and today was no exception, but I feel I should share it with you (Plus I have nothing to say). This is what people search to get my blog:

1. emo hair = 41
2. pubes = 23
3. raping = 13
4. sexy lesbian = 8
5. lesbian = 8
6. scariest dream ever = 4
7. PUBES = 3
8. drunk blonde = 2
9. musings of mike = 2
10. vagina = 2
11. boobies = 2
12. the really reson for the accidents = 1
13. revelation locust scorpion = 1
14. easy girl drunk = 1
15. the blue ranger = 1
16. lesbian girl = 1
17. What is the holiday called on July 21st = 1
18. girl lesbian = 1
19. theme tune to scarface = 1
20. vagina simulation = 1
21. cherrelle = 1
22. mc donalds apple pie = 1
23. 100 ways to stay childish = 1
24. nial, name = 1
25. funny picture of someone eating bread = 1

I’ve just had an idea to help these people out cause I’m bored.

1. For the know how on emo hair check out: http://hair.lovetoknow.com/Emo_Hair_Styles
2. Erm… for pubes all I am going to offer is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pubic_hair (That link has some funky info on styles at the bottom, Landing Strip?)
3. Erm… Raping is very illegal and I think you should get some mental help
4. Find your own porn
5. Again, find your own porn
6. For the scariest dream ever all I can offer is my own experience: http://themiget.wordpress.com/2006/12/22/the-scariest-dream-ever-for-me/
7. Pubes again… look at number 2.
8. Check out this stupid drunk blonde woman making a complete idiot of herself: http://www.vidilife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=A0FED5E9-5570-408C-B549-A
9. Musings of Mike, that’s this site!
10. For Vagina’s I turn to wikipedia again: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina
11. I love the word boobies, it is quite comical (Bet you didn’t mean these boobies!): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Booby
12. For the person who searched this I offer: http://www.learnenglish.de/
13. Revelation Locust Scorpion, easy.  Buy a bible!
14.  You can’t order easy drunk girls online, but you can just go to your local nightclub.
15. Well, there is someone out there with taste. Here’s all you will ever need to know about the Blue Power Ranger: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Ranger
16. Lesbian girl? It’s not like you can get lesbian guys… Or can you?
17. Firstly, the question should be phrased; What is the holiday on the 21st of July called? Secondly, I don’t know but this might help: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/July_21
18. Girl lesbian… Go to 16.
19. Hmmm… I don’t actually believe Scarface does have a theme tune, but be warned I may just make one up one day.
20. HA!  Need help stimulating your own or someone elses vagina? Then click here: http://www.kegel-exercise.com/vaginal_stimulation.html
21. For information on Cherrelle: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cherrelle
22. Why in God’s name would you want to look up McDonalds Apple Pies: http://app.mcdonalds.com/bagamcmeal?process=item&itemID=10005
23. I honestly can’t be bothered to list a 100 ways to stay childish, instead just ask Julian.
24. Maybe this person was trying to find a lost family member: http://www.faerland.com/nial.htm
25. Eating bread is not a laughing matter and I think you should reconsider your sense humour around food.

I hope you find this helpful.

P.s. I do realise most of the links lead to wikipedia entries.

I Can’t Sleep

It’s 1 in the morning and all I want to do is go out and do something. I’m too awake to sleep and I fear I might be like this til the morning.

I suppose I am blogging just to waste some time.

Day Off

Yeah, I had a day off today so I went out Monday night.

Location: Oceania
Entry: Free
Drinks: £1.50

I was in heaven, money wise. I did some karaoke (Tenacious D – Tribute). I know it sounds crazy but there seriously was a karaoke machine in a club. I danced a lot and made new friends. Got a bit drunk. Had a good time.

At the end got into an arguement on the bus with some guys I had met in the club about how to get girls. One guy claimed that he has the four pint rule. He gets a girl four pints and if she’s drunk he takes advantage. That’s one crude dude.

Julian’s Saying Of The Week

Rach: Your such a female

Julian: Less of the fe, more of the male

Hannah: Only less of the fe?

If I Am God’s Gift, Why Would Bless Me With Such Wit Without A Conscience Equipped!

This is a great trick, but I do feel kinda bad now because I think my mum thinks she’s gone mad.

Anyway… I walked into the kitchen and my mum was there. She went into the toilet and I put the kettle and went back into the study. Afew minutes later my mum enters the study and asks…

Mum: Did you put the kettle on?

Me: No

Mum: Who did then?

Me: You did, just before you went into the toilet

Mum: Did I?

Me: Yeah and you asked me if I wanted a cup of tea

Mum: Oh right, did you want one?

Me: Yes please

et voila! You have a seriously confused mother and one cup of tea. I don’t recommend using this too many times or your mother might believe she has actually gone crazy.

Songs and Sunny Days

The weather is great and I’ve taken to the brilliant hobby of sunbathing again. I think I mainly do it out of boredom.

There is lot’s I’ve meaning to do, but haven’t, so It’ll come soon. (I know this sentence is stupid and has a lot of punctuation mistakes, maybe this could be the insight into how my mind is working).

I did say to someone I would make a list of songs I listen to when I’m in different moods, but I found this very difficult and instead will give the names of 4 band/ albums that have changed my life.

1. Fall Out Boy – Infinity On High
2. Hellogoodbye – ZOMBIES! ALIENS! VAMPIRES! DINOSAURS!
3. Brand New – The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me
4. Billy Talent – Billy Talent II

Buy them, your life will be better.

3 French Girls, 1 Eastern European Guy, 2 Norwegian Guys, 1 Polish Guy, 1 Guy From Singapore, 2 French Guys, 1 Belgium, 1 German Guy, 1 Italian Girl and A Weirdo On The Bus!

No! This is not the list of people I got with on my night out in Camden. I would never usually travel so far from my home, but we were in Camden already and decided it would be a great laugh. Anyway, the title is the amount of people I met. It all started in Koko and as usual I always manage to make friends with random people. They kinda just come up to me and pat me on the back or shake my hand or poke my nipple (One random guy did that, dunno why?).

Rachel was on top form and hilarious, not meaning to though. Her first hilarious comment was said sitting at the bus stop as she looked through her bag.

Rachel: That fucking guy took my fucking water bottle!

Me: Who did?

Rachel: The security man

Me: Yeah, he would have done

Rachel: But now what am I going to fucking drink when I am parched

I realise this doesn’t seem as funny as it was at the time. Maybe Louisa and I were a little too tipsy. It was the use of the word parched, in an angry sentence. Then we seen the bus we needed to get and ran up the road to reach the bus stop before it. We watched it turn the other way and stopped. I said…

Me: Let’s go back that way then

Louisa: Okay

and with that Rach ran up the road we have just ran down, arms flailing after the bus.  Again, this will not seem as funny.  Then… on the bus we were told off by some random guy and then some random women for making too much noise to which Rach called me a, “Bad Boy”. Again not funny.

Okay, I’ll admit now, that my humour that night was lost on drunken simpleness.

Forgive Me.

Animals…

Today, I was in a sleep deprived animal mood, hence everything funny that blurted from my mouth involved an animal.

Rachel: sigh…

Me: That’s the noise my goat makes… after I make love to it.

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Rachel: *squeak* (I don’t have a clue why she was squeaking)

Me: I know a penguin that makes that noise… when you hit it with a hammer.

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Me: Look at them two over there… at it like rabbits.

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There were others but I guess they weren’t as funny or I’d of remembered them. I also lost the ability to improvise. Rachel and another girl were talking about shoes. Bored and feeling a tiny bit left out, I butted in. The conversation goes as follows:

Other Girl: I was going to get those shoes in dark blue.

Rachel: Yeah, they look good in dark blue.

Me: I have them in dark blue.

Other Girl: Yeah?

Me: Yeah. I wear them with my red tights stocking suspenders and my…

My mind went completely blank. I was trying to think of a type of skirt. I’m afraid my knowledge of the female clothing is very limited. With that, I turned to Rach…

Me: Name me a type of skirt.

Rachel: Er… a ra ra skirt (Is that how it’s spelt?)

Me: …and my ra ra skirt.

Other Girl: I heard you ask Rachel

Me: Bugger!

I didn’t say bugger at the time, it’s just my new phrase for the week. It’s a funny word. Can be quite offensive, but not that offensive and quite afew people use it without knowing it’s proper meaning. It’s like the time Julian and Stephen used to call each gimps. When I heard them say it, I was pissing myself laughing for days and eventually they forced me to tell them it’s meaning. They laughed until they realised how often they had been using. I don’t think anyone would have taken notice though.

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Fottom – (noun) Vagina. A combination of the words ‘front’ and ‘bottom’.

Julian’s Saying Of The Week

Julian: You want to have sex with me?

Mike: No, I don’t do dogs

Julian: Lucky I’m not a dog then.

Don’t Change

I’m not sure if it’s a part of growing up but everyone around is starting to change for the worse. It’s only started happening recently. One of friends has become the biggest gossip ever and is using everything she can find on me, against me. Another friend is trying to bore me to death by going on about a famous person she knows. Two other friends have suddenly become depressed and turned against me and lastly there is me. I didn’t notice at first, but I’ve started to lose concentration when people are talking. I used to be such a good listener but now it’s changing. Maybe I’ve gotten fed up with listening to people, sub-conciously (Did I spell that right?).

Also, I met a load of my teachers in a pub, quite ackward. As they were leaving one of them said we should have a drink before we leave school.

My mum came back from Ireland and our whole relationship has changed. For some reason it is like we have started confiding in one another. It’s really odd. Before my nan died, we never really spoke, even about little things. I may have said something when I was drunk in Ireland, but I can’t remember.

Is it me or am I being alot more personal today?

It looks like I really caught the moment. I normally think about these things in school and hope I’ll be able to remember them for when I get home, but I never do.

If you don’t have a clue what I am on about, then just pretend this post never happened.