The Real Bible

In the beginning there was The Big Bang. This created the universe. Then through a process of evolution humans were created.

Now let’s skip to Jesus. Jesus was NOT the son of God. Mary had simply had an affair and couldn’t bare to tell Joseph. Joseph was a devote Jew and trusted Mary abit too much and ended up believing Mary was pregnant without having sex. He put this miracle down to God. What a tosser. Mary didn’t have the heart to tell him he was wrong. So Mary and Joseph set off to Jeruselam. They found a stable and rested there. Little did they know it was a sheperd’s stable. When he returned and found the couple he was quite annoyed. By this time Mary had given birth. He tried to force the couple to leave, but they didn’t. So, he went to find the town’s wise men.

Meanwhile… the wisemen were off predicting another one of their crazy predictions. This time they claimed some child born tonight will become King of the Jews. They told the king, who ordered all the children to be murdered. The wisemen felt incredibly sorry for all the mother’s that had given birth tonight, when a sheperd explained his story. The wisemen decided to try and save as many children they could and decided to start with the one in the sheperd’s stable. The sheperd took them to the stable and the wisemen made the sheperd give them his donkey. The wisemen told Mary and Joseph to escape on the donkey. Mary and Joseph explained they had no money or belongings so, the wisemen gave the couple what they had on them: some gold coins, a copy of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and some Murbles (now pronounced marbles). So off the couple went.

Pick up the rest of the story from the Bible.